My America

I never really felt American before I went abroad in 11th grade.  It was only when I was clearly the odd one out that I came to that realization.  Back home, I never thought anything of it—I couldn't vote, I didn't think about my rights, and I was just me.  But in China, even when I was wearing my xiaofu, I still didn't quite fit.  The uniform was kind of baggy too. (picture)

But it's not really about fitting in, it's about being comfortable.  I will never be Chinese.  And that's not the point.  The point is to understand, relate, and connect.  America can meet China, but they shouldn't become one.  That just wouldn't be right.  It wouldn't be American.

More so than normal, I felt patriotic this year.  We didn't do anything especially patriotic.  We went on a nice hike (pictures), had dinner at a poor imitation of a German Hofbräuhaus, which basically meant a bunch of meat cooked on skewers and bland Chinese versions of what Harbiners (? I don't know what the correct form is) think/want Western food is/to be.  It was nice though, and all of the people who went on the hike were there; it was a package deal.  We didn't set of fireworks, for fear of expulsion, or better yet, for fear of mishap and needing to learn to write Chinese with our left hands.  We didn't do much of anything that you would normally do on the 4th of July.  I don't even think I saw an American flag.  What kind of American am I?

Apparently, I'm a very knowledgeable one, a veritable treasure trove of historical and demographic information and a cornucopia of cultural wonders.  One of the things that annoys me most about China is the way so many questions are asked.  I swear, half of the questions my roommate asks me start with "In your America…?" or "You Americans…?" 

I know it's not intentional, it's just the way it's phrased in Chinese, but it always gives me a sense of responsibility.  Not only to represent America well as an individual, but also to successfully convey a broader topic or idea.  But how can I explain what all Americans do on a particular holiday? He asked me last night about how Americans fold their blankets.  It was past midnight, so my first reaction was: why does it matter? Who cares how Americans fold their blankets when they wake up in the morning?  Well, my roommate did, so I explained what I do and how American sheets are different from Chinese sheets, and that people didn't really necessarily fold up their blankets very tidily every day.  Of course, though, some people, like my OCD Dad, like their sheets mitered military style, so tight you couldn't fit a quarter into it.  But then there also people (read: college students) who never even change their linens, let alone fold them.

So how can I convey all this information every single time?  It's simply tiring.  I almost always just say the typical situation or give a general example, with some details from my personal life, but not too many.  But it's different with politics.  When we were talking about international diplomacy and intervention the other day, I wasn't feeling responsible so much for correctly representing the breadth of American opinions, but rather responsible for the actions of America itself and the government of the United States of America.  The inherent dichotomy of "Your America" and "Our China" in such situations makes both sides particularly volatile. 

That is probably the thing I dislike most about conversations like that.  I can handle not expressing myself perfectly and struggling through characters, searching for the right word, like full-spectrum dominance, and circuitously arriving at 全方位霸权.  That's ok, but I get frustrated with the constant reminder of the dichotomy and separation between us.  Sometimes with every "You Americans" there is another brick laid in the wall that prevents me from connecting with someone.

The other thing I started thinking about, but didn't really get anywhere with was the difference between the 4th of July in the US and October 1st in China, which is the day in 1949 that the Communists beat the Nationalists in the Chinese Civil War and established the PRC.  If you ask any student, teacher, or basically anyone younger than 70, they will tell you that China was founded on October 1, 1949.  If you ask any American when the United States was founded, they will (hopefully) tell you July 7, 1776. 

It's strange, however, to think that China was founded only 60 years ago, when the same Chinese person will tell you about the thousands of years of Chinese culture and history.  They had their culture and their nationalism, but only in 1949 did they gain their independence—from Chiang Kai-shek, foreign imperialists, and any number of oppressions that just about anyone on the street could rattle off like a machine gun turret beating back the Nationalists. 

Americans, however, weren't much of a nation at all in 1776.  We established a confederation in 1777, not a republic, and had no real sense of nationalism as we use it today, and only maybe a fledgling culture developing around the idea of opportunity.  And yet the USA is older than the PRC.  But not China.

Anyways, I thought it was sort of interesting/strange.  If anyone else wants to comment on it, please do.

Short update on regular life:

Things have been good, last week I got to play badminton, basketball, and ping pong, as well as exercise a few times.  I got to see a bit more of the city, including a park and some more of the campus while on a nice evening run.  Classes have been ok, although a bit frustrating because they were kind of slow.  My Business Chinese and Classical Chinese classes are being held up enough by virtue of having people at different levels that it is frustrating.  I met with the academic director though, and she said she would talk to them and may have them assign me extra work.  We'll see how that works out this week.  It was also a bit frustrating at times to not be able to really talk to some of the other CET classmates because of their inability to express themselves, but I can only sympathize with my roommate as a result.  Things are going well though.